There was, tant years fa, a salumery in America, pien of salams, prosciutts and many altr leccornies. It’s padron was a burber salumiery that odiaved all his maialins.
One dai he compered a vecch maialin, a special maialin…
Prim thet he macellass him, the maialin urled: “Ferm yourself!”
The salumiery didn’t capisc very ben what was accadend and fermed himself. The maialin parled ancor: “Thank you. I’m the Italo-American Maialin and I want to ask you a favor. Perfavor, help me to…”
But the salumiery didn’t lasc him to termin the fras and killed him. In fond, it was only a maialin, and he odiaved it. Quind he prended the mort maialin and macelled and insacched it in a salamin, pront for the stagionatury.
Passed qualc mes and of maialin non rimaned neppur the ricord. But one night a strange composition of atmospheric inquinament and nuclear contamination colpisced the “Sala Stagionatura” of the salumery and at the improvvis something special accaded. The salamin was viv!
Quest are the Chronicles of an Italo-American Salamin!
Anteprim Ep.1
If you are chieding yourself com Maialin arrived in the salumery, vuol say that you didn’t capisc nient of “Stories of an Italo-American Maialin“: quest stories don’t have any sens, quind don’t cerc a logic significat in them. Dett quest, we can start the prim episode…
Stories of an Italo-American Salamin Ep.1 – The vendett of the mort maialin. In arriv prest…
Babb Natal inizied to spiegar his problems: He dissed that a big attac of caghetta have prended him and he non sarebb riuscit to consegnar all the regals to the bambins around the world. He volev che Maialin prendess his post and consegned the regals. “Col cazz that I do it! I dev go to my nonn for the cenon, she prepares the arrost with potatoes”.
” EKTORP: Istructions for installar”
“Porc la puttan!” esclamed Maialin “That scemunit of Babb Natal lasced me the librett of istructions of the IKEA! Or what I dev to do?”. Maialin allor presed his portatil and cerched in google what he dovev do. He inizied a cercar, but he didn’t riesc a trovar nothing. At un cert trat he vid a image with su scrit: “Do you want enlarge your penus? Click here”. With an attac of sex desire he clicched the link… but it was a virus! And the computer esploded. And anc Maialin esploded. And anc his house esploded. And anc the city esploded. And anc the stat esploded. And anc the world esploded… Bè, tut esploded. And fu so that Maialin rovined the Natal to all the persons in the world… because he avev fatt esploder tut.
Stordit apred his occ… all intorn him was offusched and incompresible. “Maialin, Maialin… svegl yourself!”. A soft voice pronunced this words in Maialin’s orecc and si sveglied. A little white esser was di fianc to him. This esser was strange, buff… two balls were forming it, an arance nose and many bottons on his pett. “Ben svegliat maialin, I’m the Ricchion Nev-man and I’m here to help you. Or, change yourself and vien with me”.
Maialin prepared him to combatt the infermiers and liberar Jim. He prended a big laser spad and ritorned in the hospital. The scene was very disgustos: Jim was in ostage of a big, gigant, super luridus infermier-godzilla that tegned in his zamps the cantant. Maialin proved to tagliar the zamp but the laser spad didn’t riesc a tagliar it. Ancor and ancor Maialin proved to make male to infermier-godzilla but nothing sembred scalfir it.
Maialin was stremed and very stanc. “What I dev to do? What?!” he pensed. And Maialin capisced: he dovev trasformar himself in super-sayan-Maialin-ultra-figus-gnagna-brutal-fighting-terompoerculo! Yes, he will tranform in SSMUFGBFT and finally he avrebb saved Jim!… He inizied to urlar like Goku, like quand a big sass pest your pied.
Maialin was at the strett… he dovev to prend a decision: sfondar the door (no, it’s not Jim Morrison…). He inizied to prend the rincors and sbatted his test on the door (NO! IT’S NOT JIM MORRISON! BAST ASK ME!). He colpisced so fort that the door… rested chiused… Now Maialin was pien of blood on his test and was very spavented about what the infermiers avrebb do with him. He dovev aprir the door, he dovev farcela, he dovev scappar.
Pien of force maialin s’alzed and riproved to open the door; he prended the rincors and colpisced again the door… but it was not the door, he was the Door: Jim Morrison!
He si sveglied in a white room. He pensed he was in paradis because he was dead. At one trat someone entred in the room. A beautiful gnocca vestit of infermier s’avvicined to him and said:
The beautiful gnocca tocched his front and the maialin feeled very happy. She passed her hand on Maialin’s gamb and then on his seder. Now Maialin feeled very excited. He had never met a so beautiful gnocca in his life. The only sexual experience he avev had was with a cricetin that abitav lung his street. Maialin chiuded his eyes, aspettand the moment quand the beautiful gnocca avrebb kissed him…
But improvvisament he sented a big dolor in his culett. He apred the eyes and vid: the beautiful gnocca wasn’t a real gnocca: she was a big cess! In realty she was only a cattiv infermier of the center dentr cui he was ricovered! He was ancor sott the effect of LSD and tut the experiences he proved were only a part of his immagination.
The maialin didn’t capisc very ben quel that was accading. A big white light circonded him… and he vid… quand his mam vended his utero to a band of cattiv mans che faced some strange experiments on the maialins. He vid himself used by them that, with a gigant sirings, iniettet in him a green liquid… and he capid… he was special, different… he was gay… no no, he wasn’t gay… he was… a super maialin, a LEGENDARY MAIALIN!!
At one trat he ricorded his super fighis powers: the maialin vision (the extreme capacity to see all the person in a maialin costume), the super ultra figus capacity to diventar a tampax (util with the maialines), the extra strong force and the capacity to fly.
Quind, the maialin parted and went to the airport. But his viagg wasn’t so facil! Quand was sedut on the plane, he vid a strange cosa: one big brutt man with a big turbant on his head and a face da very cattiv, ma proprio cattiv man! Maialin was scared. He pensed that the brutt man was a terrorist and allor inizied to sudar fred. Cas vuol che the brutt man si sieded di fianc to him. Maialin was ancor more spavented! Now he could anch a sentir his fetor and his puzz of terrorist, a puzz that nobody can immagin, the puz of “eau de toilette n°5”.
The plane parted, and Maialin was more and more spavented. At un cert point the brutt man tired out a big scatola from his zain. Maialin thinked it was a bomb and inizied to cry. Vedend quest, the brutt man diced him, with his brutt ma propry brutt voice, that fa spaventar tutt the world: “Hey, Maialin, svelg, svegl! We are arrived!”. Maialin didn’t capisc immediately, but poi realized: it was only a dream! “Stupid Maialin that I am, you’re not a brutt terrorist man, you’re only a part of my immagination!”. But Maialin wasn’t right. In fact the brutt man was prending around him and was a real terrorist and… BOOOM! The bomb esploded!