There was, tant years fa, a salumery in America, pien of salams, prosciutts and many altr leccornies. It’s padron was a burber salumiery that odiaved all his maialins.

One dai he compered a vecch maialin, a special maialin…

Prim thet he macellass him, the maialin urled: “Ferm yourself!”

The salumiery didn’t capisc very ben what was accadend and fermed himself. The maialin parled ancor: “Thank you. I’m the Italo-American Maialin and I want to ask you a favor. Perfavor, help me to…”

But the salumiery didn’t lasc him to termin the fras and killed him. In fond, it was only a maialin, and he odiaved it. Quind he prended the mort maialin and macelled and insacched it in a salamin, pront for the stagionatury.

Passed qualc mes and of maialin non rimaned neppur the ricord. But one night a strange composition of atmospheric inquinament and nuclear contamination colpisced the “Sala Stagionatura” of the salumery and at the improvvis something special accaded. The salamin was viv!

Quest are the Chronicles of an Italo-American Salamin!

Anteprim Ep.1

If you are chieding yourself com Maialin arrived in the salumery, vuol say that you didn’t capisc nient of  “Stories of an Italo-American Maialin“: quest stories don’t have any sens, quind don’t cerc a logic significat in them. Dett quest, we can start the prim episode…

Stories of an Italo-American Salamin Ep.1 – The vendett of the mort maialin. In arriv prest…

Stories of an italo-american Maialin: Special Natal Episode


Maialin in the city

It was very fredd and innevat. Maialin was passegging in the city, the vent on this face was fort and he dovev rientrar in home. The calcucc of the camin was aspetting him. He apred the door, but qualcos didn’t go. It was like someone was entred in the house. Maialin, all attent, si reched in the salot, where a gross figure was seduted on his poltron. The light s’accended.

“huhfsiauh, Maialin!” dissed the gross figure.
“E’?” risposed Maialin.
“Chupa” dissed the gross figure.
“But go at do it in ass! Who are you?” chiesed Maialin, incazzed.
“I’m Babb Natal, and I’m here to chied you aiut. I have a big problem, and you dev aiutar me.”

babbo_natale1Babb Natal inizied to spiegar his problems: He dissed that a big attac of caghetta have prended him and he non sarebb riuscit to consegnar all the regals to the bambins around the world. He volev che Maialin prendess his post and consegned the regals. “Col cazz that I do it! I dev go to my nonn for the cenon, she prepares the arrost with potatoes”.

But Babb Natal non s’arrended così facilment: “I will give you a ricompens: tut quel that you want. Chied me qualsiasi thing!”. Maialin rifletted… In effect, there was a thing that he wanted from the very profond of his heart. “I want the complete collection of albums of Nino D’Angelo!”

“AAARGH” urled Babb Natal “Are you serious? You can have tut quel taht you want and you chied me the albums of Nino D’Angelo? You’re pazz!… Vabbè, that sia! You’ll have what you want. Here there are the instructions of what you dev do. Or, I scapp to the bagn because I’ve the cagott and I can’t tener it ancor a long…” and he scompared.

On the table a little fogl was posed. Maialin prended it and inizied to read:

ikea_logo” EKTORP: Istructions for installar”
Prend the cacciavit and avvit the vit “A” dop aver inserit the part “B” in the fessur “C”. With a big abbondaz of colla vinilica, attac the parets of the armad  and…

maialin3“Porc la puttan!” esclamed Maialin “That scemunit of Babb Natal lasced me the librett of istructions of the IKEA! Or what I dev to do?”. Maialin allor presed his portatil and cerched in google what he dovev do. He inizied a cercar, but he didn’t riesc a trovar nothing. At un cert trat he vid a image with su scrit: “Do you want enlarge your penus? Click here”. With an attac of sex desire he clicched the link… but it was a virus! And the computer esploded. And anc Maialin esploded. And anc his house esploded. And anc the city esploded. And anc the stat esploded. And anc the world esploded… Bè, tut esploded. And fu so that Maialin rovined the Natal to all the persons in the world… because he avev fatt esploder tut.

The End

Stories of an italo-american Maialin Ep.6 – A new amic… Ma very very more che an amic!



maialin1Stordit apred his occ… all intorn him was offusched and incompresible. “Maialin, Maialin… svegl yourself!”. A soft voice pronunced this words in Maialin’s orecc and si sveglied. A little white esser was di fianc to him. This esser was strange, buff… two balls were forming it, an arance nose and many bottons on his pett. “Ben svegliat maialin, I’m the Ricchion Nev-man and I’m here to help you. Or, change yourself and vien with me”.

The Ghiacc Castle

The Ricchion Nev-man ported Maialin in a ghiacc-castle. “Benvenut in my house, here you può do tut quant you want and prender tut quel that you want from the frigo” The Ricchion Nev-man diss “No, bè, here you può preparar yourself to sconfigg the cattiv infermiers that uccided Jim and imprisoned you. But you dev do only one cos to have tut this cos… you dev give me your cul!”

Maialin and Nev-man dop the tonf... or durant their sporcaccionats?


Maialin wasn’t sicur of what he avev sentit: “Cos? My cul? No! I’m not Ricchion com you… but, fors, it può esser a good experience…”. Maialin and the Ricchion Nev-man s’apparted in the camer da lett, si leved the vestid and with a big abbrac inizied to far the sporcaccionates. But at the improvvis a big tonf scossed the ghiacc-castle and they were costretted to interromp their sexual att.

What misterious thing interromped the moment of privacy of Maialin? You will scopr in the next episode: THE REVENGE OF THE GNU WITH THE VASECTOMY

Stories of an italo-american Maialin Ep.5 – Maialin wasn’t in grad to help Jim Morrison



maialin1maialin2Maialin prepared him to combatt the infermiers and liberar Jim. He prended a big laser spad and ritorned in the hospital. The scene was very disgustos: Jim was in ostage of a big, gigant, super luridus infermier-godzilla that tegned in his zamps the cantant. Maialin proved to tagliar the zamp but the laser spad didn’t riesc a tagliar it. Ancor and ancor Maialin proved to make male to infermier-godzilla but nothing sembred scalfir it.

maialin3Maialin was stremed and very stanc. “What I dev to do? What?!” he pensed. And Maialin capisced: he dovev trasformar himself in super-sayan-Maialin-ultra-figus-gnagna-brutal-fighting-terompoerculo! Yes, he will tranform in SSMUFGBFT and finally he avrebb saved Jim!… He inizied to urlar like Goku, like quand a big sass pest your pied.

Conscius of his possibilities, Maialin si prepared and inizied to gridar “Ka-Me-A-Me…” But he didn’t riesc a concluder the fras because the infermier-godzilla colpisced him and scaravented him tant but tant kilometers lontan from the hospital… Maialin wasn’t in grad to hel Jim Morrison and, stremed, s’addormented… but not sol.

Who is this new personage that is comparsed? You will discover in the next episode: A NEW AMIC… MA VERY VERY MORE CHE AN AMIC!