There was, tant years fa, a salumery in America, pien of salams, prosciutts and many altr leccornies. It’s padron was a burber salumiery that odiaved all his maialins.

One dai he compered a vecch maialin, a special maialin…

Prim thet he macellass him, the maialin urled: “Ferm yourself!”

The salumiery didn’t capisc very ben what was accadend and fermed himself. The maialin parled ancor: “Thank you. I’m the Italo-American Maialin and I want to ask you a favor. Perfavor, help me to…”

But the salumiery didn’t lasc him to termin the fras and killed him. In fond, it was only a maialin, and he odiaved it. Quind he prended the mort maialin and macelled and insacched it in a salamin, pront for the stagionatury.

Passed qualc mes and of maialin non rimaned neppur the ricord. But one night a strange composition of atmospheric inquinament and nuclear contamination colpisced the “Sala Stagionatura” of the salumery and at the improvvis something special accaded. The salamin was viv!

Quest are the Chronicles of an Italo-American Salamin!

Anteprim Ep.1

If you are chieding yourself com Maialin arrived in the salumery, vuol say that you didn’t capisc nient of  “Stories of an Italo-American Maialin“: quest stories don’t have any sens, quind don’t cerc a logic significat in them. Dett quest, we can start the prim episode…

Stories of an Italo-American Salamin Ep.1 – The vendett of the mort maialin. In arriv prest…

Stories of an italo-american Maialin: Special Natal Episode


Maialin in the city

It was very fredd and innevat. Maialin was passegging in the city, the vent on this face was fort and he dovev rientrar in home. The calcucc of the camin was aspetting him. He apred the door, but qualcos didn’t go. It was like someone was entred in the house. Maialin, all attent, si reched in the salot, where a gross figure was seduted on his poltron. The light s’accended.

“huhfsiauh, Maialin!” dissed the gross figure.
“E’?” risposed Maialin.
“Chupa” dissed the gross figure.
“But go at do it in ass! Who are you?” chiesed Maialin, incazzed.
“I’m Babb Natal, and I’m here to chied you aiut. I have a big problem, and you dev aiutar me.”

babbo_natale1Babb Natal inizied to spiegar his problems: He dissed that a big attac of caghetta have prended him and he non sarebb riuscit to consegnar all the regals to the bambins around the world. He volev che Maialin prendess his post and consegned the regals. “Col cazz that I do it! I dev go to my nonn for the cenon, she prepares the arrost with potatoes”.

But Babb Natal non s’arrended così facilment: “I will give you a ricompens: tut quel that you want. Chied me qualsiasi thing!”. Maialin rifletted… In effect, there was a thing that he wanted from the very profond of his heart. “I want the complete collection of albums of Nino D’Angelo!”

“AAARGH” urled Babb Natal “Are you serious? You can have tut quel taht you want and you chied me the albums of Nino D’Angelo? You’re pazz!… Vabbè, that sia! You’ll have what you want. Here there are the instructions of what you dev do. Or, I scapp to the bagn because I’ve the cagott and I can’t tener it ancor a long…” and he scompared.

On the table a little fogl was posed. Maialin prended it and inizied to read:

ikea_logo” EKTORP: Istructions for installar”
Prend the cacciavit and avvit the vit “A” dop aver inserit the part “B” in the fessur “C”. With a big abbondaz of colla vinilica, attac the parets of the armad  and…

maialin3“Porc la puttan!” esclamed Maialin “That scemunit of Babb Natal lasced me the librett of istructions of the IKEA! Or what I dev to do?”. Maialin allor presed his portatil and cerched in google what he dovev do. He inizied a cercar, but he didn’t riesc a trovar nothing. At un cert trat he vid a image with su scrit: “Do you want enlarge your penus? Click here”. With an attac of sex desire he clicched the link… but it was a virus! And the computer esploded. And anc Maialin esploded. And anc his house esploded. And anc the city esploded. And anc the stat esploded. And anc the world esploded… Bè, tut esploded. And fu so that Maialin rovined the Natal to all the persons in the world… because he avev fatt esploder tut.

The End

Stories of an italo-american Maialin Ep.6 – A new amic… Ma very very more che an amic!



maialin1Stordit apred his occ… all intorn him was offusched and incompresible. “Maialin, Maialin… svegl yourself!”. A soft voice pronunced this words in Maialin’s orecc and si sveglied. A little white esser was di fianc to him. This esser was strange, buff… two balls were forming it, an arance nose and many bottons on his pett. “Ben svegliat maialin, I’m the Ricchion Nev-man and I’m here to help you. Or, change yourself and vien with me”.

The Ghiacc Castle

The Ricchion Nev-man ported Maialin in a ghiacc-castle. “Benvenut in my house, here you può do tut quant you want and prender tut quel that you want from the frigo” The Ricchion Nev-man diss “No, bè, here you può preparar yourself to sconfigg the cattiv infermiers that uccided Jim and imprisoned you. But you dev do only one cos to have tut this cos… you dev give me your cul!”

Maialin and Nev-man dop the tonf... or durant their sporcaccionats?


Maialin wasn’t sicur of what he avev sentit: “Cos? My cul? No! I’m not Ricchion com you… but, fors, it può esser a good experience…”. Maialin and the Ricchion Nev-man s’apparted in the camer da lett, si leved the vestid and with a big abbrac inizied to far the sporcaccionates. But at the improvvis a big tonf scossed the ghiacc-castle and they were costretted to interromp their sexual att.

What misterious thing interromped the moment of privacy of Maialin? You will scopr in the next episode: THE REVENGE OF THE GNU WITH THE VASECTOMY

Stories of an italo-american Maialin Ep.5 – Maialin wasn’t in grad to help Jim Morrison



maialin1maialin2Maialin prepared him to combatt the infermiers and liberar Jim. He prended a big laser spad and ritorned in the hospital. The scene was very disgustos: Jim was in ostage of a big, gigant, super luridus infermier-godzilla that tegned in his zamps the cantant. Maialin proved to tagliar the zamp but the laser spad didn’t riesc a tagliar it. Ancor and ancor Maialin proved to make male to infermier-godzilla but nothing sembred scalfir it.

maialin3Maialin was stremed and very stanc. “What I dev to do? What?!” he pensed. And Maialin capisced: he dovev trasformar himself in super-sayan-Maialin-ultra-figus-gnagna-brutal-fighting-terompoerculo! Yes, he will tranform in SSMUFGBFT and finally he avrebb saved Jim!… He inizied to urlar like Goku, like quand a big sass pest your pied.

Conscius of his possibilities, Maialin si prepared and inizied to gridar “Ka-Me-A-Me…” But he didn’t riesc a concluder the fras because the infermier-godzilla colpisced him and scaravented him tant but tant kilometers lontan from the hospital… Maialin wasn’t in grad to hel Jim Morrison and, stremed, s’addormented… but not sol.

Who is this new personage that is comparsed? You will discover in the next episode: A NEW AMIC… MA VERY VERY MORE CHE AN AMIC!

Stories of an italo-american Maialin Ep.4 – Corr Maialin, coooorr!


In the scors episode Maialin was proving to scapp via from the center of disintossication.


The Doors
The Door
The Door

Maialin was very spavented and started to look intorn a him to find an uscit. He imbocched un corridor pien of doors dentr cui there were the other tossicodipendents (c’er pur Jim Morrison). The post was tut ugual and Maialin feeled confused and inizied to not capir nothing. At un trat he vid a door (it was not Jim Morrison) that sembred to port out the hospital. He proved to open it but he was sarad su. Mentr he was proving this he sented the voices of the infermiers that stavan cerching him. They avev troved him.

maialin2maialin3Maialin was at the strett… he dovev to prend a decision: sfondar the door (no, it’s not Jim Morrison…). He inizied to prend the rincors and sbatted his test on the door (NO! IT’S NOT JIM MORRISON! BAST ASK ME!). He colpisced so fort that the door… rested chiused… Now Maialin was pien of blood on his test and was very spavented about what the infermiers avrebb do with him. He dovev aprir the door, he dovev farcela, he dovev scappar.

maialin4Pien of force maialin s’alzed and riproved to open the door; he prended the rincors and colpisced again the door… but it was not the door, he was the Door: Jim Morrison!

“Alz yourself, Maialin! I will distray them. The door is open: tu dev sol girar the manigl! Go away! Scapp! Coooorr!” said Jim.

Maialin non se lo fec ripeter two times and esched from the hospital. E started to corr via pensand olny about his friend Jim that helped him. He dovev aiutar him to scapp away from the hospital. He sarebb tornat back to prend him and liberar him. Yes, he l’avrebb fatt!

Will be Maialin in grad to help Jim Morrison? You will discover it in the next episode: MAIALIN WASN’T IN GRAD TO HELP JIM MORRISON.

The scrittor sper that no one of Jim Morrison’s fans will have with him if he used him in his storia. The scrittor respect his death (probably by overdose): this is not a pres in gir of him. Thanks.

Stories of an italo-american Maialin Ep.3 – Maialin goes to disintossicar himself


This episode esc so tard because the scrittor was very impegned in many altre things. The scritttor asks sorry for the ritard.

In the scors episode we vid that the Maialin was sott the effect of LSD and caded from ten mila milion of meters.


maialin1He si sveglied in a white room. He pensed he was in paradis because he was dead. At one trat someone entred in the room. A beautiful gnocca vestit of infermier s’avvicined to him and said:

“Hey, Maialin… com’ te ste?”

And maialin risposed: “eee… so and so”

maialin3The beautiful gnocca tocched his front and the maialin feeled very happy. She passed her hand on Maialin’s gamb and then on his seder. Now Maialin feeled very excited. He had never met a so beautiful gnocca in his life. The only sexual experience he avev had was with a cricetin that abitav lung his street. Maialin chiuded his eyes, aspettand the moment quand the beautiful gnocca avrebb kissed him…

maialin2But improvvisament he sented a big dolor in his culett. He apred the eyes and vid: the beautiful gnocca wasn’t a real gnocca: she was a big cess! In realty she was only a cattiv infermier of the center dentr cui he was ricovered! He was ancor sott the effect of LSD and tut the experiences he proved were only a part of his immagination.

Maialin salted up and began to corr away from the room. He dovev scappar!

Will maialin can run away from the center of disintossication? You will see in the next episode: CORR MAIALIN, COOOORR!

The scrittor underlines that Megan Fox isn’t in alcun mod associated or authorized her compars in this story.

Stories of an italo-american Maialin Ep.2 – I Am The Legendary Maialin



In the scors episode the maialin was in the airplane di fianc al brutt man that faced explode the bomb…

maialin1maialin2The maialin didn’t capisc very ben quel that was accading. A big white light circonded him… and he vid… quand his mam vended his utero to a band of cattiv mans che faced some strange experiments on the maialins. He vid himself used by them that, with a gigant sirings, iniettet in him a green liquid… and he capid… he was special, different… he was gay… no no, he wasn’t gay… he was… a super maialin, a LEGENDARY MAIALIN!!

maialin3maialin4At one trat he ricorded his super fighis powers: the maialin vision (the extreme capacity to see all the person in a maialin costume), the super ultra figus capacity to diventar a tampax (util with the maialines), the extra strong force and the capacity to fly.

In a frazion of second he romped the finestrin of the airplane and voled away from the bomb that was brucing and distruggending all the plane, pensand only about his gay nature… no no, his supernatural nature. He capisced that he dovev to help the poor people and change the world. Now he sarebb go to america only to protect people and maialins from the pericols of life… but he was only sott the effect of LSD… he wasn’t capac to fly and caded from ten mila milion of meters and he romped all his osses…


What will accad to Maialin?? You will see it in the prox episode: “MAIALIN GOES TO DISINTOSSICAR HIMSELF”

Stories of an italo-american Maialin: Ep.1 – The Brutt Man




There was, tanti years fa, one maialin italo-american that went in America to impar the lingua and diventar rich. He was very piccol quand decided to lasciar his home and andar in gir per the world. His papà was an american but his mam was italian. They said to him: “Car figliol, go away from casa! Go to America and impar the lingua, it will be util for your future, così you’ll divent rich! Anch se you have only six mesi of life, go away and divent a perfect italo-american maialin!”.

maialin3maialin4Quind, the maialin parted and went to the airport. But his viagg wasn’t so facil! Quand was sedut on the plane, he vid a strange cosa: one big brutt man with a big turbant on his head and a face da very cattiv, ma proprio cattiv man! Maialin was scared. He pensed that the brutt man was a terrorist and allor inizied to sudar fred. Cas vuol che the brutt man si sieded di fianc to him. Maialin was ancor more spavented! Now he could anch a sentir his fetor and his puzz of terrorist, a puzz that nobody can immagin, the puz of “eau de toilette n°5”.

maialin5The plane parted, and Maialin was more and more spavented. At un cert point the brutt man tired out a big scatola from his zain. Maialin thinked it was a bomb and inizied to cry. Vedend quest, the brutt man diced him, with his brutt ma propry brutt voice, that fa spaventar tutt the world: “Hey, Maialin, svelg, svegl! We are arrived!”. Maialin didn’t capisc immediately, but poi realized: it was only a dream! “Stupid Maialin that I am, you’re not a brutt terrorist man, you’re only a part of my immagination!”. But Maialin wasn’t right. In fact the brutt man was prending around him and was a real terrorist and… BOOOM! The bomb esploded!


What will accad to Maialin?? You will see it in the prox episode: “I AM THE LEGENDARY MAIALIN”